I’ve been stuck on one particular topic and I’m sure everyone is sick of it because I’M sick of it too. But I can’t help thinking about it.

I can’t help asking why?

At times I analyze the situation and take blame for it all. Other times, I contemplate, coming to the conclusion that it takes two to tango. One can but they’d just look silly doing so. I revisit memories from years ago, trying to find the missing piece which I’ve realized that its miscommunication.

Miscommunication has been the common factor for each situation.

Taking a page from a Leadership & Negotiations lecture from my college days, effective communication follows certain guidelines.

For communication to happen, there must be a sender with a message that needs to be delivered, a receiver who is willing to receive, interpret and finally and also provide feedback on the delivered message.

Somewhere along the lines in my relationships, the guidelines were not followed. Somewhere, one (or both) of us screwed up.

“At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”

I can’t undo the past, even if I tried. If people want to see me as who I used to be and have no interest in getting to know the new me then I can’t force it. I can’t bury myself alive trying to win someone over who doesn’t want to be won over.

All there is for me is to move forward with my life. I’m honestly scarred for life and I truly believe in my heart that what I want, I won’t ever achieve. And for that, I don’t blame anyone but myself. I hold every new person to higher standard than the last because really? I’m trying to better my life, not revert to a place I didn’t want to be in. I don’t want to be fine with the thoughts above but I’m going to learn to be.

For my own good, as difficult as it may be, I have to learn to live with this. My wolf pack is smaller than ever bc it takes a BIG  heart and a LOT of understanding to be able to continuing walking with me... complicated, difficult, yes and yes.
Some can even say I'm difficult to love. Well difficult doesn't mean impossible..

Maybe there is someone out there. Maybe there is not. Maybe I have them but we don’t even know it yet… Maybe an old flame will rekindle an old friendship. Who knows.




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